Tips for enjoying an argument free Easter

No matter how much you look forward to the much needed Easter break, there are no guarantees that everything will go smoothly. After last year’s Easter break Relate saw a 30% increase in calls. So this year to help avoid those holiday arguments relateforparents.org.uk has come up with tips on reducing family rows.

Lin Griffiths, relationship counsellor for relateforparents.org.uk said: “Sometimes it feels like you can’t win! We encourage our children to have opinions and express themselves and then find ourselves in conflict with their opinions or demands. Likewise, parents know that in theory it is probably best not to argue in front of the children. In practice though, this isn’t always possible. While no one needs to be perfect there are simple things parents can try to do to make life easier.”
Relate for Parents and Families’ tips for avoiding arguments.

• One of the best things you can do as a parent is to make sure you acknowledge every demand a child has. For example if your child asks “can we go to the park?” just saying no – is likely to get a repeat of the question or a sulk but saying “I’m glad you like going to the park, but I am not sure if we can go today because …” demonstrates you have listened and valued their feelings. 

• Sometimes when you want to have a quiet talk with your partner there can always seem to be children around and often parents find themselves giving short sharp exchanges to each other. Also just the different language men and women use can create misunderstandings. For example if a woman says “I need to talk to you” to her male partner, he may get worried – so always be sure to give a clue about what you need to talk about, and then agree when you can have that chat. Men tend to be more intimidated by conflict – so try bringing-up issues in a casual conversation and giving your partner time to think about it, rather than expecting an answer/solution straight away. Whereas when a man says “I want a quiet word”, women can see it as a criticism – so similarly, make sure your partner knows what it is about and when you can have that word. 

• Try to find a code word that either of you (or the children) can say out loud when an argument is getting out of hand.  This often diffuses the tension, and sends the message that whatever the argument is about, it will not be resolved in that moment.  Each family could have a code word that is only known to them.  

• Squabbling children can test the best of us. It can help to consider whether the argument is caused by boredom. Energy that has no outlet, or not enough, often erupts into meaningless fights in children. Sending them to their rooms isn’t quite the punishment it used to be so before the squabbling gets bad try to make sure that the children have plenty to do and plenty of ideas about how to spend their time. The ideas don’t have to come from you – a bit like planning your day and your time, children (depending on their age) are often capable of planning their own time given the chance.

• Make sure that any family member gets space when they need it. When pursued or coerced into doing things they don’t want to, every family member needs the opportunity to opt out – as long as they understand there will be an effect on others.

• Remember, not all arguments are unavoidable and not all arguments are bad. In fact, it is good for children to see that disagreements can be resolved and discussed calmly, so don’t give yourself too much of a hard time if sometimes tempers get frayed.

Click here for more articles and support around arguments

Relate for Parents provides support and advice for more than 10,000 parents each month, including step-parents, adoptive parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents and siblings. Free and confidential online support, including live chats and email responses real life stories, videos and podcasts are also available as well as the new and unique Family Mapping tool, which helps parents understand their situation and how they can make changes for the better.