Only 17 per cent of children trust dad for advice about bullying

New research out 14th March 2010 reveals that while most dads (61 per cent) feel comfortable giving advice to their children about bullying only one in five (17 per cent) children trust their dad’s advice on this topic. However 6 out of 10 (59 per cent) children would trust their mum’s advice.

Research conducted by Relate for Parents, reveals that bullying is a major concern to over half of children (51 per cent) surveyed, with more boys (59 per cent) worried than girls, and this issue is ranked higher than relationships (20 per cent), drugs (17 per cent) and sex (11 per cent).

The survey also reveals that 74 per cent of children consider their mum to be a role model and 58% of children see their dad as a role model.

Lin Griffiths, family counsellor at Relate for Parents, says: "It’s very encouraging that dads feel comfortable talking to their children about bullying, and children are willing to seek advice.  However it is a concern that children don’t trust the advice they are hearing from their dads. Like most parents, dad’s are bound to feel protective of their children.  It is possible that the advice that some dads give - "stand up for yourself"; "tell your teacher"; "I’ll sort him/her out"; "give as good as you get"; although well meaning, could be seen as another pressure on their son or daughter. Despite this lack of trust, 58 per cent of children still look up to their father as a role model."

With children turning to the internet for advice on personal issues, less than one in five dads (18 per cent) know if their children are seeking advice online, despite 74 per cent of dads saying that they would rather their children came to them. However, with only half of dads regularly making time to talk to their children, the first step for some fathers may be for them to dedicate more time to talking with and listening to their children.

Relate for Parents and families offer these top five tips on giving advice to children:

• Listen to your children. Really listen to their problems and individual concerns. You might know that it’s part of teenage life to break-up with friends and have fights, but for your child it is a real experience happening to them and they will want to know you are taking them seriously.
• Be consistent in what you say and do. It sounds obvious but say what you mean and mean what you say. Children are very good at noticing when you don’t follow through on your own advice. However that doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. In fact it is good for your children to see you admit your mistakes and don’t be afraid to apologise.
• Make time. Sitting down and talking to your children shouldn’t just be reserved for the big things, if they feel they can talk to you easily about the small things, this might help when they have big concerns.
• Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Children remember broken promises and this is something that can damage their trust in you. It is better to make no promises at all than ones you think you might break. 
• Your children will not love you less if you don’t have answers to all their difficulties. They will feel supported just by the fact that you have listened and understood their struggle.

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