Exam stress – coping as a family

Hundreds of thousands of students at secondary school, college and university are entering an intense period of exams. The anxiety of exams cannot only be hard on the student but also the rest of the family too.

Exam season can be a really intense and stressful time. For parents it can be hard not to get stressed on their child’s behalf.  Trying to keep calm and being supportive are probably  the best ways you can help your child.

Tips for students taking exams:

• Keep things in perspective. Exams might seem important now, but as you grow up you will quickly find that they aren’t the only key to being a success.

• Finding yourself taking your stress out on others? If you know certain people wind you up – this is a good time to avoid them. You have to look after yourself and try surround yourself with people who make you feel calm. Be aware of how you are acting, while it might feel like your exams are your whole world, life will be going on as normal for the rest of your family.

• If you find your mind wandering when revising then take a break. It is better to do half an hour's hard work and then take ten minutes break than to keep at it as your concentration slips after about half an hour.

• Don’t be afraid to get help. If you don't understand something, don't stew in it - ask a friend or a teacher. Also don’t feel you have to bottle up your stress. A great way to alleviate stress is to confide in someone you trust.

• And on exam day don't panic! Close your eyes and take several long deep breaths. This will calm your whole nervous system, and get rid of any mind-blank. Repeat 'I am calm' or 'I will do fine' to yourself several times and believe in yourself

Tips for you as a parent

• First thing to remember for many stressed young people – however well intentioned you are you cannot get things right for them. The important thing is to stay calm maybe they need someone to shout at, and you need to be strong enough to take it. Tell yourself it is the stress talking!!

• Provide a suitable space for your child to work at revision, and allow them time to work free from distractions.

• Avoid setting up expectations in your child that you know they will do well - better to tell them that you want them to do their best.

• Provide small treats as they revise and do their exams. They will help your child to feel important and cared for. Their favourite food, new equipment for the exams, all help them to feel that you have noticed they are under a bit of pressure, and want to help them feel good. Don’t offer extravagant gifts or big amounts of money for exam success. It can be an incentive -but it may also become an extra pressure.

• Other children not taking exams might not be so sympathetic to their exam stressed sibling. They may feel jealous of the extra attention their brother/sister is getting because of their exams and start acting up. Try to explain it is just for a short while and try to do nice things with them to make sure they don’t feel forgotten.

See also: one parent’s own story click here