Keeping the change going

The problem

So you’ve made a change to your family life and are wondering how you can keep it going.  This can be the hardest part. 

Hopefully, if the goal you set was the right one, you may already be enjoying the benefit of that change. Make sure you acknowledge this and enjoy it!

Sometimes the benefits are not immediate and you have to be patient, encouraging and supporting each other during the transition.  Remember to focus on what you have achieved rather than just on what you still need to do

If you find that you have not achieved what you hoped for, think about changing your goal. Talk about it as a family and use what you have learned to come up with some ideas to refine the goal.

Some theory

Change often leads to resistance in families; this resistance is not conscious but can be recognised and addressed.  Talking together about the effects of the change on each family member can be helpful.  Change, however much it is wanted, usually involves loss which is unexpected and can be confusing.  Any negative feelings will be temporary and respond to being recognised and talked about.

For change to be maintained it has to be rewarded, otherwise old, familiar behaviour takes its place.  Rewards can take many different forms but need to be meaningful for the particular family.  Praising new behaviour, giving family members special attention, little treats can all encourage people to keep the change going. 

Everyone slips back occasionally.  When they do it is best to ignore it and focus on what has changed.

Now what?

Achieving change is not the end of the story.  Keeping it going requires some attention.

• Celebrate changes achieved
• Encourage and support each other
• Focus on success
• If need be consider refining your goal
• Be prepared for unexpected feelings of loss – these will pass
• Reward yourselves