Problem Behaviour

Why is this happening?

When parents separate, it is easy to blame everything that happens in your children's lives on that event. However, whatever their family setup, most young people experiment in their teenage years with behaviour and habits that cause concern for their parents.
So, if your teenager is exhibiting behaviour problems and causing you to worry, think carefully what the reason might be-is it normal teenage experimentation or could it be a sign of being unhappy in life?
Whatever the reason, you will want to talk to them about the situation-but you might allow yourself to feel less guilty about it.

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Trouble at school:

Truancy is a typical example of a behavioural problem. Every day an estimated 50000 children play truant from school, and sometimes that is because they are unhappy and cannot face being in school. They may leave home in their uniform and register at school-then walk out, or simply not go to school at all. Research shows that these children are more likely to get involved in crime or anti-social behaviour.
If the school knows that you always tell them in advance or on the day that your child will not be in school, they will be alerted from the first absence that you may not know that your child is not in school.
If your child needs to take time off in term time, make sure that you get permission in advance from their school, otherwise you may find the absence recorded as an unauthorised one-even if you send a note in after the event.
Better still; decide that you will only take holidays out of term time. If that is not possible, then do not take your child out of school at the start of the year or during exam time. Both parents need to agree on this and it maybe difficult if you are no longer living together and want to take your children on separate holidays.

If their work suffers
Behavioural problems in school may see your child put on some form of report to monitor their performance. This may need you to sign a report each day or week. Support the school in this, and talk to your child to try to find out whether there are problems that have affected their work. They may be being bullied, or be having problems with some subjects or teachers-or there may be something they are worried about at home. Listen and reassure them, and maybe have a phone conversation with the school to find out more. If you can, enlist the support of your ex-partner -they need to know that their child is exhibiting behaviour problems. Your child may not want you to contact school, but you can explain that it is important that you and their school work together on this.

If they get excluded
You will probably be asked to meet with the staff at your child's school to discuss the situation. Talk things through with your child before this, getting their view of the situation. Remember there is likely to be the school's view and your child's -and they might be quite different. Listen carefully to both sides, and don't get defensive. Stay calm, and work on a mutually agreeable plan of action that allows your child to return to school at the earliest moment. It may well be very inconvenient to have your child out of school during term time and you may need to make arrangements for someone to be at home with them. They will also be missing out on their education.

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Trouble with drugs:

Know the facts
Another common example of problem behaviour in children is experimenting with illegal drugs. Two thirds of secondary school pupils say that they have been offered drugs-that does not mean they have taken them. It is a sad fact of life that a variety of drugs are readily available on the streets and clubs and even schools.
A recent government survey of 11-15 year olds in 290 schools found that just 9% of them had taken drugs in the last month, which means that 91% had not.

Look for the signs
You may have real concerns about your child and sometimes, it is useful to know what to look for if you are worried that they may have begun to use drugs. Of course, there are dangers in having a 'checklist'-you might add 2+2 and make about 7 and a half.
Here are some of the warning signs you might look for -remember just one of these is probably not an indicator of anything and some are typical teenage behaviour - so use this list with caution. You might simply use it as an indicator that something is troubling your child.

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