Problem Behaviour

Why is this happening?

When parents separate, it is easy to blame everything that happens in your children's lives on that event. However, whatever their family setup, most young people experiment in their teenage years with behaviour and habits that cause concern for their parents.
So, if your teenager is exhibiting behaviour problems and causing you to worry, think carefully what the reason might be-is it normal teenage experimentation or could it be a sign of being unhappy in life?
Whatever the reason, you will want to talk to them about the situation-but you might allow yourself to feel less guilty about it.

Trouble at school:

Truancy

Truancy is a typical example of a behavioural problem. Every day an estimated 50000 children play truant from school, and sometimes that is because they are unhappy and cannot face being in school. They may leave home in their uniform and register at school-then walk out, or simply not go to school at all. Research shows that these children are more likely to get involved in crime or anti-social behaviour.
If the school knows that you always tell them in advance or on the day that your child will not be in school, they will be alerted from the first absence that you may not know that your child is not in school.
If your child needs to take time off in term time, make sure that you get permission in advance from their school, otherwise you may find the absence recorded as an unauthorised one-even if you send a note in after the event.
Better still; decide that you will only take holidays out of term time. If that is not possible, then do not take your child out of school at the start of the year or during exam time. Both parents need to agree on this and it maybe difficult if you are no longer living together and want to take your children on separate holidays.

If their work suffers
Behavioural problems in school may see your child put on some form of report to monitor their performance. This may need you to sign a report each day or week. Support the school in this, and talk to your child to try to find out whether there are problems that have affected their work. They may be being bullied, or be having problems with some subjects or teachers-or there may be something they are worried about at home. Listen and reassure them, and maybe have a phone conversation with the school to find out more. If you can, enlist the support of your ex-partner -they need to know that their child is exhibiting behaviour problems. Your child may not want you to contact school, but you can explain that it is important that you and their school work together on this.

• Loss of interest in favourite activities

• A new group of friends and/or losing contact with old friends

• Listlessness, excessive tiredness, lack of appetite

• Changes in sleeping pattern e.g. up at night and sleeping during the day

• Change in personal hygiene ( beyond being a teenager)

• Withdrawal and/or depression

• Mood-swings, hostile behaviour, being unco-operative

• Truanting from school

• Lack of concentration

• Red-rimmed eyes and/or runny nose (without having a cold)

• Money or valuables going missing from home

• Finding any of the following objects: pipes, rolling papers, small medicine bottles, eye drops, butane lighters, homemade pipes, scorched tinfoil, razor blades, syringes

• Don't share your experiences of your wild child youth. Pot-smoking, for example, was a much more harmless activity 15 or 20 years ago compared with the strength of current day pot. It is difficult to take a moral position without sounding as though you have double standards.

• Try to take a non-judgemental attitude-you don't want to alienate your teenager so that they clam up.

• Try not to push them into a disclosure-be open to what they have to say.

• Remember, lots of teenagers try things once-whether it's music, shaving their heads or smoking dope.

• You may find out from another friend or family member. Many young people find it difficult to talk to their parents about drugs but will talk to others-try to see that as normal rather than as a rejection or as them being deceitful.

• Make sure they know where to get sensible information.

• Talk about the effects of legal drugs as well as illegal ones-tobacco, alcohol, Red Bull and similar caffeine drinks.

• Think about key questions: What? Why? When? Where? How? When? discussing their experiences.

• Drug services do not just offer help to teenagers, they are also there for parents who need support and will be happy to answer any of your questions or offer suggestions about tackling difficult topics. You will find some links on the home page, or you can talk to our live chat team for help on how to tackle this important conversation.