Truly Awful Christmas Jokes

If your having a party this christams or visiting relatives try some of these there sure to get a laugh!!!

Q Father Christmas lost his umbrella but he didn't get wet! Why not?
A Because it wasn't raining!

Q How does Father Christmas climb up a chimney?
A He uses a ladder in the stocking!

Q If I'm standing at the North Pole, facing the South Pole, and the East is on my left hand, what's on my right hand?
A Fingers!

Q How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
A Deep pan, crisp and even!

Q What do ducks do before Christmas dinner?
A Pull their Christmas quackers!

Q What do you drain Christmas dinner brussel sprouts with?
A An advent colander!
 
Q What happens when you eat Christmas tree decorations?
A You get tinsel-itus!
 
Q What's the most common wine at Christmas?
A Do I have to have the brussel sprouts!

Q Will the Christmas pudding be long?
A No, it'll be the traditional round!

Father Christmas: Excuse me, but did I step on your toes on my way out to get an ice-cream?
Lady: You certainly did!
Father Christmas: Oh good! That means I'm back in the right row!
On which side of the house did Jack's beanstalk grow ?
The outside !

Q What did Cinderella say when the Chemist lost her photographs ?
A Someday my prints will come!

Q What kind of pet did Aladdin have ?
A A flying car-pet !

Q What's a ghosts favourite Christmas entertainment ?
A A phantomime !

Q What's beautiful, grey and wears glass slippers ?
A Cinderellephant!

QWhat's the scariest pantomime ?
AGhouldilocks and the three bears!

Q Who's that little girl who wears a red cape and goes round shouting 'knickers' at the Big Bad Wolf?
A That's Little Rude Riding Hood!

Q Why was Cinderella such a poor football player ?
A She had a pumpkin for a coach !

And some Christmas Party jokes:

Q What did the guest sing at the Eskimo's Christmas party ?
A Freeze a jolly fellow !

Q What party game did Jekyll like best ?
A Hyde and Seek !

Q Did you hear about the man who went to the fancy dress party as a bone ?
A A dog ate him in the hall !

Q What would you do if you saw Dracula, Frankenstein & The Swamp Thing ?
A Hope they were going as a fancy dress party !

Q Why couldn't the butterfly go to the Chistmas ball ?
A It was a moth ball !

Q How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party ?
A Chick to chick !

Q Did you hear about Dracula's Christmas party ?
A It was a scream !

Q Did you hear about the party with lots of fireworks, balloons & crackers ?
A It went with a bang !

Q What did Dracula say at the Christmas party ?
A Fancy a bite ?

Q Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party ?
A He had no body to go with !