I am Mel

A lone mother of Jake, 3. His father’s never lived with us, or taken any real responsibility for Jake.

My Problem

His father sent a card and money around the time of Jake’s last birthday six months ago, that was the first contact for two years, and he’s not been in touch since. I picked Jake up from nursery the other day, I was a bit late, in a rush from work. On the way home Jake kept asking me, ‘Why haven’t I got a Dad?’  it was like he wasn’t just asking, but complaining. I felt like saying, ‘Cos he’s a selfish so and so who doesn’t give a damn about you!’ I didn’t answer but he kept going on and on and in the end I just snapped and said, ‘Because you haven’t so you’ll just have to make do with me!’ Jake was quiet after that. 

How I understood my problem

I feel such a lot of resentment, especially when things get me down, like money, and having no one to share the burdens with. Jake didn’t ask to be born to a lone mum, and it’s not his fault his father’s a waste of space. But I don’t see why I should have to make excuses to Jake for the fact that his Dad doesn’t want him. If I’m honest, deep down I feel I’ve failed Jake by getting involved with a loser like his Dad. 

What I’m going to do to change things

I need to talk to someone about my feelings. I can’t let all that resentment and guilt I feel get into Jake. I’ve got to get some advice about how to manage it better when Jake asks me those sort of questions. I don’t find it easy to sit and talk to someone, so I’m going to try Relate for Parents online Live Chat.

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