We need to talk!

What does this mean to you? Is it just an invitation to have a conversation – something you’ll make sure you have time for? Or does your heart sink?

Humans have a unique way of communicating - through speech - which means we can say what we are thinking and feeling and let other people know what we want.  Sounds good but it is just not that easy.

To Talk or Not To Talk ...

When people have problems in their relationships they may try various ways of dealing with them. Some people like to ignore problems and hope they’ll go away.  Others try to distract themselves perhaps through drink or drugs, or simply switching on the TV or computer.  There are people who would rather walk away from a relationship than work things out.

A better way is to try to sort things out by talking together.

But if talking is something you only do when there’s a problem, then you’ll find there are always problems to solve.  Talking to each other on a regular basis can help to stop irritations growing into problems.

Getting to Know You

When couples first get together they often spend hours talking – getting to know each other.  And then all too often they stop – as if they think they know all there is to know.  But being interested in each other enough to keep talking and sharing can keep the relationship alive.  And talking helps couples deal with the changes that are part of everyday life.

Although we learn to speak as small children, communication can be a stumbling block in many relationships.  People might worry about saying the wrong thing and learn to keep things to themselves, or maybe the worry is about saying too much.

Tips for Talking—and listening!:

• Listening is more important than talking – hold your response until you have really heard what is being said
• Check that you have understood before reacting
• Be interested in what your partner is saying rather than focussing on what you want to say
• Try not to make assumptions or ‘mind read’
• Make time to talk regularly about what’s important to you
• If you have teenage children who always seem to be around, try talking in the kitchen after a meal –they will not disturb you if they think there is washing up to be done!
• Do not talk about serious and important issues when you are tired – or have had a drink.